I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
