if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
