There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
