I think my fart just growled at me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
