member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
