It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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