It's like God shit irony all over that family
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
