omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
