Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
