Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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