I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
