I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize