My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
