it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
