I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
