fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
