My room smells like vodka and shame
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
