You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
