U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
