Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
