its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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