your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You ruined the universe
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
