by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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