I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
