Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
