it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
