good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
