i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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