she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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