I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
