She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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