Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
