Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
