So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
