i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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