I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
