Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
