Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
