Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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