It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
