I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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