Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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