Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
