there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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