Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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