genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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