I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I FOUND THE LEGS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
