Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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