pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
