I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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