i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
