I showed him my bush... on skype.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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