First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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