Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
