dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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