I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
