her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
