a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
did you just send me my own nude
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
