Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
