I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
