We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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