Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
