Who did Billy Mays play for?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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