remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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