i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
