last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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