I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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