I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
