I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize