I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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