I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
