If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize