he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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