I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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