his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
