Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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