That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
