i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
