Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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