u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
