If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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