he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize