My hair reeks of homosexuality.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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