i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
