does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
