he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
