I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
