so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
