someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
