real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
